Tomorrow I take my dog to the vet so that she can get a C-section. It's all very exciting. After eagerly waiting for 63 days, I will finally know how well this breeding went. Hopefully all will go as well as I have planned for it to be. It's just so much work, both prep work (looking at pedigrees, evaluating dogs, AI, etc.) as well as nuturing and caring after the puppies are born. I guess the end result though will justify the hard work!

I have been down lately because I know that with the puppies' arrival I will not have all the time that I used to share with Josh. A small part of it is my own selfishness, I guess, but I am greatly disturbed about departing from him for this short while. I love him more than I could possibly discribe on here, and I want to see to it that he is well cared for. Josh is no weakling, but he deserves so much. I just fear that I will not be able to give him all that I have so far in the next coming months (I am not talking about material things either). It hurts me to think of him hurting. I dont want my baby to be lonely. I dont want him to see other lovers hugging and kissing and wonder where his love is or him longing for times when he will share those moments too. I want him to be supported all the way. He is most capable man that I know, and he deserves to know and be told this everyday. He needs someone who will listen attentively, just as I have, as he tells his jokes, desires, and dreams. I have never let him want for anything, and I dont want it to start now. I still swear that I wont tell him that horrible two letter word (NO).

I totally trust Josh, and he is the only man I have ever given my heart to. I know that this will only be a temporary thing. Sooner than I know, I will be back with him, and as strong as ever.

I promise that I love you, now and always. I will be there for you whenever you need me. You are my everything. I promise I will make you happy.